'Taking One Day At A Time Just Winging It '

written by members of Friends in Need


Kim in MI

People used to say things like I really like your hat!!! I would say,"if you had to wear them you wouldn't".

I had one person say, "it's too bad you didn't get this last summer when you were trying to diet!!!!"

Or the big one for me was, people that would say how are you doing, and then would cock their head to the side and say," but how are you reeealy doing????"


Sherri

All the nurses at the doctor's office etc, always say, "How are you so strong, I wouldn't be able to handle it as good as you have." Well, my friends, it's determination to stay alive!

There have been times when I was at Walmart, or the grocery store, people would say to me, "What made you cut your hair like that?" I didn't choose to cut it like this. I didn't have a choice when I had chemotherapy. Then, they get embarrassed and say, "I am so sorry." Don't be sorry, I'm not.

I get asked quite a bit, "Will it hurt if I hug you?" Of course not, bring it on. I need all the hugs I can get!

My boss would often say to me during my chemotherapy, "Your color is coming back you look like you feel better." When people realize that I am 28 years old and I am battling cancer, they say, "You are so young." I can't even begin to count how many times I have heard that. It doesn't matter what your age is, it will get ya!

When my hair started growing back after my chemo, it came back darker than before, and lots of gray. So, the most popular thing I hear to that is, "Your hair is coming back gray it looks like you frosted it, it's so pretty." Nope, haven't frosted it, why would I want it gray?

SammyS

What I heard the most was, I love your haircut! Of course at the time I was wearing my wig! The comment that always made me smile, usually coming from a man, Do you lose..... (long pause)... ALL your hair? Yeah, every single hair. Then they usually blush!

My son David used to come home and rub my bald head and ask, How's it going, Kojak?

SueK

After surgery (mastectomy):

A friend I used to work with came to see me, she asked lots of questions, and I answered all, but one.
She said, "Boy, I bet you were glad to get all of this off your chest." I think I was speechless!!!! For once............

After my hair came out the first time, my son (then 26 )came to see me early one morning. I looked really rough. He hugged me, and told me "Mom I'm so sorry" and I went off for a shower telling him, "I'm going to go and perform a miracle"
Showered, dressed, wig, & make-up. I came out and his mouth just dropped and he just stared for a couple of minutes. "Mom you look totally awesome, what did you do?" I replied, "I told you I was going to perform a miracle!!!"

As everyone else says, "You look great." My reply, "opposed to what?"

After surgery:

My own cousin asked me, "Did they get it all?" My reply, "Oh heck no, I wanted them to leave a little bit, so I could go through this at least one more time". We both cracked up !

Taybee

  Before diagnosis:

"If it doesn't hurt, is not cancer."

"It never happens to women with small breasts." Yes, I have small breasts.

"Are you sure you heard the Doctor correctly; was your husband there?."

"The more you think about it, the more it grows."

  During treatment:

"But you look wonderful," when you are barely off the anesthesia in the recovering room.

"But people with cancer lose weight." great they are now telling me I look fat.

"Your weight and rosy cheeks tell me that you are getting better," this was 2 days after my first chemo, and how can you respond to that.

"How does it feel to have cancer?" MMMM bad.

"How can you have cancer and not know it?" that is a good question.

"Is it ok to hug you?" yes I need lots of hugs.

"Hair is just a bother anyway," yessss but I like my hair.

"How did you catch cancer?" mmm….I sat on something

Kay in NH

Like the other angels, I too heard,"My, you look wonderful, you don't look sick, how did you know what to do? I would have fallen apart but you just took the bull by the horns. I could have never made any decisions like that!"

Tommie E, from Arkansas

"Your color is so good!" Why wouldn't it be? I still wear the same make-up! Everytime I heard that, I wondered if my color was bad before? I didn't have chemo; I was not sick. I returned to work after 2 weeks the first time. People just do not know what to say to someone who has been dx with any kind of cancer.

Janie

The only cliche that seemed to be in abundance was " you really look great ", and with my wig and make-up on by the 2nd week after treatment I really didn't look too bad :)

Judie

" I told you eating sweet and low would cause cancer" jeez

" You need to come to Boston for a second opinion and treatment" yea I want to drive to another state every day for radiation.

Sas

Knowing I had been dx with breast cancer, folks just didn't know what to say, "Hang in there" I would say, "Only to the left" (had right breast removed).

"Oh you look so good" what am I supposed to look like the grim reaper?

"Oh, dear, I hope they got it all" I hope so, but they may have left some, just so they can see how fast it will grow.

At the time and in the beginning of dx, these were hurtful, and dumb things for folks to say to me, but later on, I realized they were trying to help in some way and just didn't know what to say!

Sheila in MN

I remember one statement that came from so many people as I was going through treatment: "I could never do what you are doing." I want everyone out there that has not faced this disease to know that yes, you could do what I did! When we are untouched by cancer, we often think it is a death sentence or impossible to face. However, I strongly believe that we will face what is given us. I always respond saying, "You do what you have to do at the time."

Additionally, when my hair first started growing back and was very short, a few people at retail stores called me "sir" without looking up at me completely. This really hurt my feelings. I was feeling bad enough about how I looked anyway without hearing this! I would suggest to everyone that they take the time to see each person they serve or interact with as an individual and to take the time to be sincere. You never know what the other person is going through and how your careless words and/or actions may affect them.

Kelly

"Well you look wonderful." I am assuming that once you are diagnosed with cancer as long as you don't grow two heads and turn purple, people will always say this to you.

"Why me?" You should ask yourself, Why not me?

"You look great bald." Well, then maybe you would too, lets find out.

Jo in FL

"Everything will be all right." How does anyone know this?

"Your face doesn't look fat!" ohhhh pu - leeeeze. I have bc, but I am still able to look in the mirror.

Said while staring at my bald head, "Did you lose your hair?"

Hally` aka hally`day_name_person

The one thing that annoyed me the most was people saying "You look wonderful." ARGHHH! I wanted to say, "Then how come I feel like crap?"