'Taking One Day At A Time - Just Winging It '

written by members of Friends in Need

Kim in MI I had a really good friend that was there for me all through everything. She let me vent on her and vent I did, and she was still my friend. I met so many good friends through support groups, and my very special friend Kelly, well her and I went through everything together. Diagnosis, treatments, we clung to each other through it all. Very sadly, Kelly did not make it, we clung to each other very tightly until the very end. Sherri My main support came from one of best friends, Kim. She and I have been friends for about 14 years. Actually we had been on the outs for about three years. When I found out I was sick, I called her to tell her, she has not left my side since. She has been a true blessing to me. I really don't know what I would have done without her many a times. I learned quick when something hits you like cancer, you find out who your true friends are. It's amazing. Another main source of my support comes from my work, and the ladies I work with. I am a preschool teacher and it requires picking the children up at times. When I am there they are protective over me to a point. They will not let me lift etc… My boss, wow, I couldn't ask for a better person to be my boss. She has been awesome. She works with me with my hours and I go in and stay until I get totally exhausted. She really tries to understand my situation and what I am going through. I really believe that the Lord put it there when he did for a reason, and a lot of it is the support I get from everyone at my job. Also, the kids help me. They give me reason to want to even try to go to work. It just makes my day to see them and feel the love they have for me and I have for them. They are all my special little Angels. Last but not least there's my one and only Jon. He and I have been friends about twelve years. We went to school and graduated together. When I found I was sick I wanted to be the one to tell him. We hadn't talked in about a year and half at that point. We live in a small town and I didn't want him to hear about my health from someone else. So I got in touch with him to let him know what was going on. Then he started taking to my chemo appointments etc. Within a few months it started turning into more. Now, he is the love my life. I have the most respect for him. He accepts me for me and he accepts the condition that my body is in and what it going through, and still has to go through. He makes me strong when I am weak. When I feel I can't fight anymore and I am totally disgusted with my body and the way I look, he steps in and makes me wake up and look at it the sensible way. He has been by my side every step. Aside from that, he is awesome with my son, and my son is crazy about him. That is really important. I have found my mate for life. It's just weird how he was in my face all the years and it took me getting sick for it to evolve and become something special. I love him with all my heart and soul and I would be totally lost without him. I love you Jon. SammyS I have one friend that stuck with me through thick and thin. Maureen and I grew even closer through 2000 and since then we have been inseparable. She even took time off to drive to Indy with me so that I could attend the face to face. I don’t know what I would have done without her laughter, love and support. She is like a sister to me and the best friend anyone could ask for! Other friends that I thought would be there for me, weren’t. I guess it takes something like this to find out who your true friends are. I did find that men at school were more likely to check on me and see how I was doing and encourage me, rather than the women. Maybe it hits too close to home for some women. SueK My best friend Nancy insisted on going with me for the results of my biopsy. I really didn't want her to go because she wanted to go to the mall afterward, and I wanted to go to the garden nursery and look at the new roses that came in. I was not even prepared to hear the words from my surgeon that day ,with tears in his eyes, he said, "I'm so sorry it is cancer." I was so glad that Nancy was in the waiting room for me, my husband Bob was out of town on business. I was fine until I saw her and I started sobbing, and I don't cry real easily. We had already been friends for years and she and many others friends surrounded with love and encouragement. But, Nancy said she was my "no maintenance friend". I didn't have to get dressed or put on a wig when she came over. She cooked for me and did everything she could to help. Woe is me..... if I said I wanted a V-8 because she would bring a whole case. I also have a Face 2 Face support group that is awesome. My husband Bob has also been my friend and love for 36 years, and I never doubt that he will do anything for me. We've been married 35 years. The night of the day I was dx I found Friends in Need. That was one of my greatest blessings, and the friends I have at FIN are the best, and even though I have never seen many of their faces, I know just what beautiful friends they are. Who else would help me climb a tree but Karen/Fuzzy? Is it possible that a terrible dx of bc can bring so many blessings? Yes it is ! Taybee Never had many friends, but one friendship that lasted almost twenty years, my best friend Stephany just abandoned me as soon as I told her that I had breast cancer. She called me once, that was one year ago. I met so many other people that I can now call my friends. Amelia, I met her about two months ago and she takes me out for coffee, she introduced me to her family, she calls me all the time. I heard from a class mate that I had not seen in 30 years, she calls me, sends me cards. My FIN friends, a group of wonderful ladies that has giving me unconditional, non-judge mental support. I am a very lucky person. Louise I can't even tell you how many friends I truly have! The outpour of support at that time is what kept me going. I worked with all women in a human services agency at the time. I would get at least 3 cards on a weekly basis from them and others. My mentor and supervisor was one of the biggest supports I had when my family was not around. She accompanied me to the wig shop to try on wigs prior to my chemotherapy. We had a really good time trying them on! We both agreed on one particular wig although I thought it to be too expensive for my budget at the time. I was going to opt for the less expensive one, we both know it was not out first choice, when she offered to pay for the other wig. I was so overcome with emotion. It was one of the most amazing experiences I had. Later when my hair fell out and I had to go back for a "fitting" of the wig and to shape it up, she went so far as to get fitted for her own hair piece. She really wanted to have fuller hair and also support me. Another friend visited me at least once a week and her mother is a nurse. When I had to get neupogen and procrit shots, her mom would give them to me when the doctor's offices were closed. My best friend from undergrad college came to stay with me for a week during my treatments. Then, there are my friends from Friends In Need who were my primary support system, 24/7! It seemed that during my year of treatment there was always an angel online to chat with no matter what time it was. And, if I was online, someone would always drag me in to chat with them. The support was outstanding. All my friends, in person, online, via phone or mail - they were all there, not one failed to support me through this uncertain time in my life. Jacky I have several friends who have been quite good throughout this. I was amazed at all people did at first, all the flowers, plants, meals and cards and phone calls, but as time passes, most people forget you. Even my spiritual leaders who called at first, stopped calling. Chemotherapy makes you feel so alone. (tired and bald too). I had a friend who had DCIS and a bilateral mastectomy in May 2002 so that has been helpful to commiserate with her. I finally found this site (FIN) and it has been so helpful. It's a place for me to "let my hair down" (as if!) and be able to talk to people who really understand what I have gone through. I am so grateful for this site as I have not had the time to go to a face2face group and I can sit here when sleep eludes me and talk to folks around the globe! Kay in NH You soon find out who are your 'real' friends. My friends and co- workers said, "Anything you need just call." Some were there for me and I really appreciated any and all help. My best friends mom had bc 5 years before me, she was also my boss at work. I thought she was a friend but soon found out she was 'mad at me' because I had bc and she wanted to be the only one with it. She was also upset because I wear a 'pink ribbon'. "You shouldn't be advertising bc," she says. I wear it proudly to show there is a good life after dx. My 3 best friends were Bonnie, my daughter Ann and my husband Leo. They were the ones that cried, laughed and supported me. My son, John, called every few days to see how I was doing. It has been quite an experience, a journey that has taught me to Live Life Now. Tommie E, from Arkansas Like a lot of others, I found out who my true friends were. My church family was great. I teach a ladies Sunday Bible Study. These ladies each signed up for a night, and for two weeks brought our meals to us, cooked and ready to eat. A few couples, special friends, stayed to eat with us. Two friends called every day, at least once, usually more, to just chat. On the other hand, some that I had thought would be supportive were not. I think they cannot face their own mortality. Mindy in NY Friends have been an important part of my recovery. After surgery, I received about 60 cards, an assortment of interesting gifts, many meals for my family, books, articles and just calls to see how I'm doing. Most important has been my friend Tracy, who began her fight with breast cancer 2 1/2 years before me, and did everything from explain how to understand my pathology report to telling me what are the most comfortable bras to wear after mastectomy/reconstruction. Janie My good friend Edie was also a source of inspiration and she is truly a faithful friend. She volunteered to take me to my treatments which I was fortunately able to refuse as I did not require any help in that area. She is my weight watcher buddy and I am grateful for her love and friendship. Judie Most of my friends are cyber friends. I live in a very rural area with no public transportation and I don't own a vehicle, so it makes it kind of hard to get out and meet people. I have a lot of cyber friends that I have known for a few years, and they were all very supportive with messages and cards. I joined an on-line support group which was kind of ok at the beginning, but then it would go for weeks without anyone posting. I felt like, "Hello, are you out there?" In August 2002 I found FIN, oh yes what a GREAT place full of great women and a few fellas too. These angels will give support, prayers, hugs, laughter and a kick in the pants if need be. Our fearless leader Susan has done an exceptional job with this site. I only wish I had found it sooner. Sas As I said I was busy in elementary school , helping daily with 3 kids there. I had so much mail while going through my stemcell, from their school, had stacks daily. When I got home I filled up a large laundry basket plus full of hand made goodies from 5 year olds all the way up to 6th grade classes. I was also a Cubmaster of Pack523 and denleader for each of my boys, committee chairperson and so on. I ran the pack of boys from 1st grade through 5th, this I couldn't handle during my treatments, so friends took it over for me. The parents of all those boys, brought my family home made dinners every night for 6 months. Penny my good friend, took me to chemo and for blood works and after we went out for lunch. These wonderful ladies, Karen, Debbie, Penney, oh I can't remember all the names, cleaned my house and fed my family. Sheila in MN My friends were very good to me throughout my diagnosis and treatment. So many friends and neighbors offered to help and many brought meals for us. One of my close friends who lives in the same town is the same age as my mother and she has always treated me as if I were her own daughter. She came to the hospital to learn how to care for my drain tubes so she could sit with me and help me throughout the next few days at home. My co-workers were wonderfully supportive. I often tried to work too much and they were always there making sure I didn't push myself too hard. I remember receiving so many telephone calls from my friends and family that my husband finally had to take over fielding them. It really did help knowing so many people cared about how I was feeling even if I didn't have the strength to talk to each of them myself. Kelly I always said I had a few close friends and many acquaintances. Breast cancer helped me to see that I had so many friends. I found out I was loved by so many more people than I could fathom. My oldest and dearest friends Chris, Jen and Michelle where there for me all the time. Chris really proved why she has been my best friend for so long, when she took a 40 minute bus ride just to wash my hair in the hospital after my mastectomy, before she took another 40 minute bus ride to get to work. She went with me to many appointments and tests. She did so many thankless errands and phone calls that needed to get done that I just couldn't deal with at the time. She freed up my family to care for me, and let me concentrate on getting better. Katrina, Danielle, Christine were all hubby's friends' wives before my dx. While we talked and did things together, they were always friends through marriage. After my dx, these women were amazing, bringing meals, organizing benefits and gave me so much support. Our friendship has evolved to a new level, these women are truly now MY dearest friends. The people that I worked with provided me with lots of support but Colleen really proved herself a friend in need. Anything I needed she got. She organized many benefits and sales, taking time from her busy work and home life, to think of me. Cancer also brought some old friends, back into my life. A girl I worked with and kept in touch with a few times a year, is now very much a great friend. Sue and I talk daily. Only one friend wasn't able to handle my cancer and when I told her she said, "You are lying, I can't deal with this." She has never returned another call from me. I can understand this and appreciate her honesty. I want to thank my friends for being there to share the tears, listen to my fears, to make me laugh, give me days without thoughts of cancer. For accepting and loving the new me and for sharing this journey with me. I wouldn't have made it without them. Aussie Jo Funny thing Friends. Some friends did not know how to handle talking to me about my dx and yet others who I hadn't spoken to for months/years were very supportive. I had five friends who would take a day each week and drive me the half hour to radiation oncology for my 'zap'. The friend who was the most helpful in terms of someone to talk to about my thoughts was Adele who's son had had testicular cancer some years before I was dx. Adele was very understanding and caring and because of what she had been through knew exactly how I was feeling. Susan in Oz I have so many dear friends who have helped me since my breast cancer diagnosis but three of my very dear personal friends come to mind who have supported me from day one of my diagnosis. Christine, Jenny and Phyllis. Christine: I have been blessed with having Christine as my dear friend now for 26 years. We have shared so many good times and also shared some bad times in our lives too. One instance that really sticks in my mind and I reflect upon regularly is when I had my first mastectomy. The day after I had my mastectomy, Christine came into the room with a lovely bunch of red roses. This was not unusual for Christine, as she has done this so many times from my hospital stays for one thing or another. This particular day, I was sitting at the side of those dreadful hospital beds on a chair. Christine placed the roses in a vase, kissed me and pulled up the foot stool to sit in front of me. She then took my legs and placed my feet upon her lap. She massaged my feet for about 20 minutes. It felt so good and I shall never forget that massage. While it may seem trivial to some, believe me it was one of the most wonderful things anyone could have done for me. So many know I love having my feet massaged and I can honestly say as Christine was chatting and massaging my feet, I was quite teary. Here is a wonderful friend who remembered , without being reminded by me, how much I really liked having a foot massage. This is a true friend and one I cherish. Jenny: When I think of Jenny I think of a beautiful human being both on the inside and out. Like most of my friends, Jenny continues to call all the time to see how my days have been. When I was undergoing chemo she would call every morning and every night to check on how I was feeling and asking me if I needed any chores around the home doing. She would come to my home unexpected and just do laundry and iron the clothes without me asking. This is a lady who had lost her husband to Motor Neuron Disease only 6 months previous . Her husband , Bert, was only 38 years old when he succumbed to the disease but Jenny, being the caring person she is still made the time to call me constantly (she still does). Her daughter, Stacey, was only 6 at the time but Jenny would work around Stacey's school hours to help me. She was and still is a friend that everyone should be blessed to have in their lives. Phyllis: While I don't see Phyllis as often as I would like to, we still keep in touch by phone and catch up for lunch maybe once a month. My hubby Artie would always take me and sit with me when it was the days for me to have my chemo. This particular time he wasn't able to because of work commitments, so Phyllis took me instead. She worked at a bank and called them and told them she had something extremely important to do. Phyllis always makes me feel important in her life. Once again this may seem trivial to some but to me, when a friend took the time to do this, she is one very caring and terrific lady. She even got a parking ticket that day because she parked in a disabled parking zone (not intentionally) but Phyllis being Phyllis would not let me pay anything towards the fine. She said, " You are more important to me than any job or parking ticket." Finally I would of course like to say that I also have some very precious friends in my life from the Friends in Need Forum. I have never met any of these lovely people in person but I do feel like I have known them for such a long time. Each are different with their personalities etc, each one of them help me with my own survival in so many ways. I am truly blessed to have the honor of communicating with these special people and I continue to hold them all in prayer and flap my Angel wings for their long term survival. Hally` aka hally`day_name_person This is the truly neat part. Friends came out of the woodwork to help me. People brought food, took my kids to their 8 dance classes a week. On chemo days, friends took my kids in and made sure they got to school and packed lunches for them. When David (hubby) could not take me to an appointment, all I had to do was ask and I had a ride. It was truly amazing. Even friends I had never met from the internet sent me scarves from all over the world.