'Taking One Day At A Time - Just Winging It '

written by members of Friends in Need

SueK I had many humorous situations, but then I have a bit of a warped sense of humor anyway. I had not had my prosthesis very long, and I always stored it in the box and cradle thing it came in. We were going somewhere important on Sunday (can't remember where now) and as I was getting dressed, got my bra out, then took my prosthesis out to put in it. Wouldn't ya know, I caught it on the sharp corner of the cradle. It poked a hole in it and it was just oozing very slowly. Well I PANICKED !!! Which is putting it mildly. Being Sunday I didn't know what to do. So..... I got on the internet, went to the Friends in Need listserve and posted what had happened, asking for help and suggestions. I cannot remember all of the replies I got, but there were many, including "use duct tape", and " take it to the tyre store and getting it plugged". I ended up leaving a message at the lady's home based business where I got it. She called me back a bit later with a simple solution. Wipe it off good, and cut the tab (sticky part) of a regular band aid and stick on it. It's still there to this day. I have washed it over and over and it has never come off. Another humorous thing that happened was that I had an appointment with my surgeon for an exam, and it was very hot outside. At that time I was having major hot flashes, just couldn't handle it. So I had a small frozen cold pack in the freezer and I used to stick it in the mastectomy side of my bra with a dry wash cloth around it. It is about twelve miles to his office. I parked my car, took out the cold pack and went and checked in. The nurse called me right in immediately, and the surgeon and nurse came right in as soon as I was undressed. As he was examining me, he said "why are you so cold right here?" I was much too embarrassed at that time to tell him, so I looked him in the eye and said, " I have no idea, maybe the air conditioner vent was blowing right there". As I've got to know him much better, I finally told him the truth one day, and he got a good chuckle from it. Sherri This story isn't so much funny as it is cute and touching. When I first got my prosthesis it came in a nice pretty box, your suppose to keep in the box when your not wearing it so it will keep it's shape. Well a few days after I got mine I had it in the box laying on my dresser. My son goes in my room, sees the box, and naturally for a seven year old, he's curious. So he opens the box and what does he find, my prosthesis. He come to me and says, "Mom what is this?" I was stunned, I mean I told him in the beginning to ask questions if he wanted to know something, but I don't think I was expecting that question. So what I am suppose to say to that one? I said, "Well you know how doctor took away my breast? and since I don't have one there anymore this is suppose to replace it." Then it led to, "Mom, how did they take it off?" Then I felt really stuck, how do I explain this to a seven year old and him understand it? I managed and the Lord gave me the right words to say. When I got done he understood and he was fine and he went on his way. It's amazing to listen to kids and some of the questions they ask. It really makes you think at times. SammyS I normally wore my wig everywhere I went. One day after a dr appt. I went to a Burger King drive through and got some food. I drove behind the restaurant where there was a large parking lot, parked and went to open the bag of food. Since I was heading home and had no more stops, I reached up and ripped the wig off my head and tossed it in the back seat. Then I looked around. Not 10 feet from me, there was a large truck parked and the driver was eating. He was sitting there with his mouth hanging open staring right at me. I don’t know if he thought I tossed a dead cat in the back seat or what, but I will never forget the look on his face! I just cracked up, took a bite of food and drove off. Another time, a friend and I went to a flea market and I saw a cheap denim jumper I liked. I pulled it on over my clothes to see if it fit. Then I went to take it off. I got it halfway up and got stuck! My arm was still sore from the surgery, and my wig was coming off. I started laughing, which made it even harder to move. My girl friend made a grab for the wig, and held it on my head, while I struggled out of the jumper. We still laugh about it! Taybee My Oncologist gave me some latex gloves with a little card that said, "I know that you never complain or ask for anything, this is to protect your hands from blisters." I asked her what blisters? She said, "Because I am going to help you milk this for all that is worth." Hehe "I know you are sick, but you look healthy." Brenda The day I received the diagnosis of invasive ductal cancer, I was not too surprised, as I suspected something was up, but I was upset to find that I had a lumpectomy scheduled two days away. My husband, Larry, drove me home from the surgeon, and we were talking, like couples do. He knew I wasn't in any mood to cook dinner, and he was searching desperately for a place to eat I might enjoy. Just then, we drove by a famous for wings restaurant, and he said, "Hey Honey, how about Hooters?" Followed immediately with, "Oh Gosh, I am so sorry" and he gave me a much chagrined look. I started cracking up laughing, it was just too funny and too bizarre. He joined me, and we ended up at a very nice steak restaurant. We did go to Hooters a couple of months later, because I do love their wings! Susanp (ca) It was 2 days after my last treatment on Oct 31st, Halloween. My office had a costume party and so I decided to dress up and have some fun. So I dressed up like a clown. Oh you should have seen me. I won first place in the costume party. I had a huge clown hat, big rainbow hair (wig of course) and overalls, skirt, and a big balloon on my backside that swayed from side to side and to top it all off, shoes with tulips coming out of the toes. I was a sight to behold. Well, after work I decided to make a stop at my oncologist’s office and have some fun. I was going up the elevator with another man and he tried not to look at me, but he looked at the reflection in the elevator doors. When we get off, he was also heading for my oncologists office. I walked in behind him and all the ladies just started bellowing with laughter and pointing at me swaying that big behind from side to side. My oncologist came out of his office to see what all the raucous is about, looks at me, and I say, "Dr Perkins what have you done to me?" "Look what that chemo did to me!" He just laughed and commented how cute I was. Of course the receptionist puled out her camera and snapped a shot. They told me they were going to make me the poster child for the office. Well, it was a fun day and it helped me get through my last treatment a little easier. Anna It was my first visit to see the rad onc. He used a term that I had grown to dislike very much. "You have pre-cancer". Well, my face went red the veins in my neck bulged out and I said, "Isn't that like saying I am a little pregnant, if it's pre-cancer why am I sitting in a cancer center preparing for radiation therapy?" He didn't see the humor in this and proceeded to call me difficult. Well, to make a long story short here I was so angry, I was getting reading to smack him upside the head. His nurse had to call in a counselor to get both of us calmed down. Although this story has a good ending, we did become very good friends, and the communication was open and very caring. Oh I also told him once, "Please do not eat garlic for lunch," this time he cracked up laughing. Hey yea gotta laugh.... Thank you Dr. Wilson Kay in NH Just when you think you are down and out..something happens to help put a smile on your face and in your heart. After bilateral lumpectomies and node removal from both armpits, you walk around like a sumo wrestler, arms up and out from your sides, you are not able to bend over or use your arms either. So picture this: Putting on your undies, standing nude, a bit unsteady, undies being held with two fingers at the waist band, dangling and swinging slightly to give a foot the opportunity to fall into a leg hole. No way, so you swing the panties again this time trying for the other foot and leg hole. No way, to the rescue my husband, Leo, trying not to laugh at this poor pathetic sight, because I can cry at the drop of a hat or undies in this case. lol. He offers to help and we both are crying and laughing at the same time. Success, the undies are on, slightly askew but that's o.k. now we have the pants to put on. Yup! tears streaming down our faces,laughing uncontrolably...WE do it.... Tommie E, from Arkansas We (George and I) have always been able to joke about my prosthesis. Now that I have two, we joke twice as much! So, I have to share this. Just last week, after lunch, George was walking with me back to my truck so that I could go back to work. He leaned over to kiss me, and reached up to give my breast a playful squeeze. I just looked at him and said, "I hope that does something for you, cuz it sure don't for me!" We both got a good laugh out of that one. Janie I spent the night in hospital after my lumpectomy and a young male nurse came in and told me they needed a urine specimen. They had left the pants I wore to the hospital on me during surgery and after. I knew I would not be able to get those pants up once they were down but I sure didn't want him helping me! My sister had brought me a card and a gift of a little monkey whose paws had velcro so he would cling to something. This monkey had somehow gotten onto my pillow and stuck to my back. I waited as long as I could and tried and tried to get up to go pee without calling for this male nurse, at last I rang the buzzer hoping I'd get a different nurse but no, here came the young man. He is trying to help me up and I said, "Get the monkey off my back" and he says, "Excuse me," I said, "The monkey, get it off my back"...and he is looking at me like he thought I was crazy. I kept telling him to get the monkey off my back and pointed to the little stuffed animal clinging to my back and he finally saw it and began laughing. He helped me to the restroom and I politely closed the door and proceeded to give him the urine specimen. It was such a funny situation as I thought back on it. I know at first he thought he was dealing with some crazy old lady on morphine, [which I was not on] who was hallucinating and thought she had a monkey on her back. P.S. I still have the monkey, he resides in an artificial palm tree I have at my Travel Agency. That's my Story. You know sometimes this bc journey is like the proverbial 'monkey on our back'. I can only think God must have brought this humorous story about to parallel my own story of the 'Monkey on My Back'. The story has a happy ending. The 'monkey' of cancer is off my back. I am 'NED' for over 2 years now. Praise The Lord! Hugs to all my bc sisters. Judie My youngest daughter (22) named me Smurfette because my breast was blue from the sentinal node dye. A year later it is still blue. I had a visiting oncologist instead of my regular doctor one day, and was telling him about falling on ice and hurting my back. This Doc asks, "Did you fall on your breast too? " "It's all blue!" I had a really strange dream that I was in this little shop with glass cases on all the walls containing prosthetic nipples, all sizes and colors with and without areolas. No breast, just nipples. I could still see them all clear as day when I woke up. I told my dream to my PCP doctor who is a young woman. She laughed and insisted it was from the paxil I was taking. I guess it can give you some strange sexual dreams :-) Sas Had my first adriamycin, getting ready for my 2nd chemo and hair was lying on my pillow in the mornings so much. It was falling out in clumps arghhhh. So, me and Phil and kiddos decided to have a buzz party, we had chips and dip, and koolaid, each kiddo got a turn on the buzzers too, then the boys had a brilliant idea. They wanted to leave a strip of hair down the middle of my head...a Mohawk! Ok why not go for it. Then they thought it cooler if it was green or blue, so we got out the food coloring. I had a green/blue mohawk for about a week longer. Next onco visit was fun. I was in exam room waiting for doc, had the green/blue mohawk, in my paper vest and I was wearing one of those felt Dr Seuss hats and talking on the cell phone when doc came in the room. He saw me and backed out of the room, laughing, then took my hat off. He looked at me and said,"you have to be the most unusal patient I've ever had," laughing all the while! Sheila in MN Even though I purchased a very expensive wig, I did not feel comfortable in it. So, I mainly wore turbans or scarves on my head to keep it warm during the cold Minnesota winters. When it was just my husband and I home alone, I'd often not wear anything but when we had visitors I usually put something on my head so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me. One particular day I was feeling very tired of dealing with the whole treatment process when a door-to-door salesperson came to my door. I cannot remember the exact product he was selling, but I do remember it was some rediculous product I could never use in my current condition. When I refused, he became rather pushy and wanted to come inside to show me how great his product really was. This is when I whipped off the scarf, pointed to my head, and asked if it looked like I was really in the mood to hear about "X" product. The poor guy was horrified, but it sure helped lighten my day! Valerie My daughter's best friend and I went to buy a bottle of wine for dinner. Once in the shop the old guy tried to pick up Fiona, aged 37. She ignored him and yes, he started in on me so I just turned around in front of him, put my hand down the front of my top and pulled out the large blue sock I had in there. Needless to say we had a good laugh at his expense . When I was in hospital with my first mastectomy I had two large drains in, one in the chest and one in the side, the one in the side was sitting on a nerve and caused a lot of pain to move, so I needed to go to the toilet and said so to nurse. She said, " Well alright you can walk , off you go," so off I went. When I got there I couldn't get my pyjama pants down so back to the ward and standing in the doorway I said to nurse, "I really need to go to the toilet," and she said, "Well go on." I stood there laughing as I couldn't hold on any longer and started to wet myself and said, "But I can't get my pants down." So like a little school girl she took me by the hand , I am still laughing and wetting myself ,and led me to the toilet and pulled my pants down and said, "When you are finished, ring the bell and I might come back and get you." I sat for some time and found the joke was on me as all the nurses had a good laugh at how I looked standing in the doorway, but I never went on my own after that . My grandaughter said to me, "Nanna , have you got a cleavage?" While trying to be serious I said no love but I can still wear a low neck top and look good, with that she said, " Well I was going to have my boobs off like you but if I cant have a cleavage I wont bother." I told her thats good. Out of the mouth of babes eh! Kelly My son, Shamus was so little (15 months) when I started treatment, he was used to me being bald or with a wig or bandanna. When my hair started growing in, he kept trying to pull it off. I was home recovering for my mastectomy and treatment, when a former co-worker (a fellow occupational therapist) called to see how I was doing. As I lamented about how frustrating it was not to be able to do what I wanted to do, and how much I had to alter my activities of daily living (dressing, cooking, cleaning, caring for Shamus), she told me she completely understood. She was recently diagnosed with dry eyes. She had to stop what she was doing during the day and put drops in her eyes. Here I was with one breast, balding, a sore arm and multiple incisions and she has dry eyes! I wanted to burst out laughing at the absurdity of what she said but she was serious. Susan in Oz Picture this (as Estelle Getty would always say in the Golden Girls). The year was 1996 and back then I had one boob still attached to my body and one boob that lived in a box. Hubby and I decided to go to one of our local clubs this particular Saturday evening for a little socialising and a little dancing. A young guy came to the table and asked me if I would like to dance. "Sure," I said, and off we trotted to the dance floor. I sensed this guy was perving at my cleavage, which did not really please me at the time. So right there on the dance floor I took out my prosthesis and said to him, "You seem to like them so much, there you go have a feel." I can tell you this guy just did not know where to look or what to say and as you can probably tell I am not shy. It probably was not the nicest thing to do , but it sure did give me great satisfaction. I then proceeded back to the table and hubby and I just laughed. "Serves him right," I said. "He should be careful what he wishes for." Hubby just looked at me with a grin on his face and said, "That's right sweety, you put him in his place." This little story still makes me smile when I think of it. It actually is a question that one of the ladies from the Friends in Need forum asked me many years ago. Instead of wearing my silicone prosthesis I sometimes wear my 'bird seed' home made ones. They are light-weight and when my arm or shoulder is bothering me they seem to feel more comfortable than the silicone prosthesis. This particular lady also started to make them too and one day very seriously she asked me, "How do I launder them?" Well a duh on her! I just laughed and told her just make new ones with fresh top high quality millet. Aussie Jo I used to have chemo on a Friday and would feel pretty lousy until Monday. My husband was overseas for 2 weeks on a business trip when one of my treatments were due,so my parents moved in for the weekend. Well Mum remembered that as a child my grandmother used to cook lambs brains, coated in breadcrumbs and fried and how much I used to love them. Naturally, as a child I did not know what was involved in the preparation. My darling Mum decided that is what she would cook to tempt me to eat. I might add that she had never cooked brains herself before this. Unfortunately, I walked out into the kitchen during the preparation stage (you know removing all those yukky veins) and one look was enough. I still have not told Mum that to this day (10 years on) I cannot face looking at lambs brains, let alone eating them. NCJo in Flo During chemo, I was hospitalized because of a fever and low white blood count. For those who are unfamiliar with the schedule of US hospitals; July 1 is the day that all the new interns, residents, and medical students start. For some it is the first time they see a patient on their own. I was hospitalized at a cancer research and treatment center. I was on the floor with all of the other breast cancer patients. I am sitting in bed with my bald (is beautiful) head and my big ole' moon face (from the steroids). In walks this incredibly young doctor, who incidentally has slammed his finger in a door and is heading to xray after checking on me. He asks me if he has seen me before. I say no. He says that I sure do look familiar and was I sure we haven't met. Of course neither Paul or I said anything to him about the fact that EVERY WOMAN on the floor looked the same... bald and moon-faced. Hally` aka hally`day_name_person I flashed an elderly American Cancer society volunteer! I was at the hospital to receive my last 5 "booster" radiation treatments and this gentle man was there telling me how he was a survivor. He was so jolly and I really wanted to shake his hand. Maybe, it was because I didn't feel like a survivor? Anyway, I wanted to get some of his enthusiasm, so I stood up and went to extend my hand when POP! POP! POP! all the snaps on my hospital gown unsnapped. YIKES! I don't know how much he saw, but he did have a twinkle in his eye.