'Taking One Day At A Time - Just Winging It '

written by members of Friends in Need

Kim in MI I am a much different person than I was before cancer. And I like who I am now!!! I am a much stronger person and know what I want out of life now. I don't take things for granted anymore!! Sherri Well let me see. I have put much thought into what to say on this part. I have come up with this; Because of my family history with breast cancer I was always concerned in the back of mind, what if it happens to me. What would I do? What if I lost my hair, that would be awful. For years that was in my mind. Then when I found out that it was me, I thought I can do one of two things. First I can fight, fight this with everything I got, or I can let it get the best of me and let it bring me down and eventually it would kill me. I chose to fight. It was crazy to think that it was me, but let me do what I have to do to get this started and over with. Cancer has taken up my whole year, literally, from surgeries, to chemo, reconstruction, follow up. It's always making a trip to the Dr. I have gone through a lot this year, but I am thankful that this has happened to me. It has changed my life and my body. My body before cancer, I don't remember what it feels like. Cancer has changed my outlook on life, people, and myself, a change for the good. I thank my Lord for giving me the strength to make it through all of this and standing beside me. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am now. Kerri First of all, I would like to welcome you to our group! The ladies here are very supportive. I'm 21 and I live in Detroit, Michigan. I didn't have breast cancer but my mom is a 2.5 year survivor. Since her original diagnosis in 2001, she's had several scares of recurrence and a scare of having mets to the bone, but thankfully they were all benign. I did have my own personal scare with breast cancer just last year and thankfully it was benign. In celebration of finding out that I didn't have BC, I did a 2 day walk for breast cancer this year in Cincinnati. While my mom was going through her treatment, I was really worried and one of the weeks she had chemo, I was out of state for the week in TN with my church and I really didn't want to go to TN so I could be with my mom but she insisted that I go with my church down to TN. Also during around that same time, my grandma got sick and she lived in IL and right after I got home, my mom told me & the following Sunday, she passed away, this was the Sunday right after my mom's 3rd round of chemo and we still went. I'm still worried that the cancer could come back. Our faith in God has gotten us through it all! My mom was there for my HS and College graduation, several award ceremonies that I had to go to right after her surgery (she was diagnosed during the 2nd half of my senior year of high school) and I was very proud to see her in the audience. She's also been there for me when I've done several walks in her honor. I will continue to walk until there is a cure found! I'm very proud of my mom and if she can get through this, I know she can get through any challenges that God puts in her life. Jo in FL Like so many others, the three words "You have cancer" put the brakes on my future. I was in a state of shock. It had to be wrong. I went for a second opinion... I still had cancer. I had surgery... I still had cancer. I had chemotherapy, ok, so now I was ready to admit "I do have cancer". Then I had a dream. I am not one to put much significance in dreams... they are usually too strange to even think about. My mother passed away in January 1993. I was diagnosed in December 1999. Now the dream... my mom never had a chance to see our home in Florida... we moved iin November 1992, just two months before she passed on. I had a dream that my mom was in my bedroom in Florida, holding me and telling me that everything would be all right. For some reason, having her in my room (and me not visiting her in the afterlife) gave me a great sense of peace. I then knew that this disease, as HORRIBLE as it is, is completely doable. I completed chemotherapy, had radiation therapy, and have been NED (No Evidence of Disease) for almost 4 years. Now my big concern is a CURE for this disease. I am always happy to hear medical findings that may prolong life or prevent recurrence. But to me this is not enough. WE NEED TO KICK BREAST CANCER'S BUTT!!!!!! Forget this talk of it being more of a chronic disease.Don't continue on the track that it is a "doable" disease. Make it a disease of the past. We need a vaccine that can be given to girls, perhaps even as young as when they reach puberty."WE ARE WOMEN, HEAR US ROAR!!!" Final thoughts...I have changed in many ways since this diagnosis. I try to enjoy and appreciate each day for what it is. I have become more spiritual. I have become more tolerant. I have found that I am not only a strong woman, but also a woman of strength. I fought hard against this disease... harder than I would have thought myself able to do. God bless us all!!!!!! Kay from NH I have thought long and hard about my "comment"...it can be summed up with, "bc sucks big time" Your first thought when you hear those 3 words, "you have cancer", is.... GET IT OUT..then a calmness takes over and you think .o.k. I can do this....how do I GET IT OUT......you read all the info you can find on your type of bc..and you read some more..you will not understand it all and that's o.k. You will cry and then you will cry some more..that's o.k. too...You will see many docs and hear their suggestions, but in the end it should be your decision. You can hear and read about bc, but until you have it you won't know the terror it causes. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME....find out about bc, join a support group like FIN, do your homework. I thought breast cancer was "breast cancer" and "lung cancer" was lung cancer etc, but there are many different types and many stages, so ask questions, bring someone with you, have a pen and paper, learn all you can, make your decisions and come out fighting. Yes, bc sucks big time but YOU CAN DO IT. Sending gentle angel hugs to all that hear those words.....YOU HAVE CANCER. Jacky I was dx during a routine mammogram in March 2003. Actually my left breast had gotten quite itchy and just kept itching. I called and saw my gyn who said I was fine and I could just get a mammogram early if I wanted to. So I waited a few weeks and went to my routine appointment. When I got the callback a week later and they said it was my left breast I knew I had bc. I just knew. Although all the drs say the itching was just a red herring and has no bearing on anything. I had microcalcifications. I had a stereotatic biopsy (ouch!) and those places had DCIS. There was another place where there was a regular calcifcation and they biopsied that place to be sure it was benign. Well, that biopsy also was malignant and now it was also microinvasive. I had the mastectomy on April 2, 2003 and I awoke to my mother and husband in tears as my sentinal node was positive and I had an axillary dissection. Those two days until I got the results of my lymph nodes were truly the worse days of my life. I knew that the more lymph nodes that were positive, the worse my prognosis. I just said, "Whatever it is, it is." I was so relieved when it was only that one node that was positive. I truly faced my own mortality those days. To make it worse I have two small children from two different marriages. If I die, they will be separated. My mother had bc in June 1999, stage 2 and is a survivor. My dad has non hodgkins lymphoma since August 2000, has had now 3 relapses and is currently undergoing treatment with a grim prognosis. Mindy in NY For several years I had a galactocele (milk cyst). It was not harmful and kept refilling after being drained so we left it alone. It started to get bigger and I was getting ready to have my first mammo, so I decided it would be more comfortable if I got it drained. The surgeon wasn't able to completely aspirate it and told me I should think of having it taken out, but to wait until I was done having kids and breastfeeding, as some ducts could be damaged during the surgery and compromise my milk supply. I had my mammo and sonogram, which showed no evidence of cancer. I decided to have the galactocele removed without waiting to have another baby - what if there was something hiding behind it that my doctor and I should know about? how would a baby latch on with this big thing on my areola anyway? So I went in for a routine 'lumpectomy' of this cyst, which they removed along with a bit of surrounding tissue and a few ducts, to run 'routine' pathology. My doctor told me that what she took out looked like healthy tissue. Nine long days later, the pathology report came back and the results were not routine. By day seven, I suspected. It took so long because the pathologist was so surprised by his results that he sent my sample out for a 2nd opinion. Then on January 29, 2003, everything in my life changed ... as it has for all of us. Roberta My fight started at Thanksgiving, 1977. I doubled over in terrible pain. I went to the gyno and he found a tortioned cyst on my right ovary. After a laparoscopy, which came back benign for the surrounding flesh, the biopsy of the cyst itself came back with malignancy. I was 36, divorced, alone, no kids, and now I would never have any. You see my choice was to just do one side or both. I had three months to make up my mind. I decided on a total hysterectomy. A good thing it was, for when the surgery was done, masses had started forming on what was left on both ovaries. I opted for no hormone therapy and got through it with the help of friends. On the insistence of my husband and because my civilian hospitalization had run out as I had lost my job, I went and got a new primary care physician, in early 2001. I was feeling fine but I am on various medications for thyroid problems, so we did a full workup. A drop of microscopic blood was found in a stool sample, and three suspicious growths in my breasts. Colonoscopy was done August 2001 and it came back a small node that no one thought would cause problems, but that should be removed. October of 2001 it was removed, and the node was found to contain a low grade lymphoma (which is being watched carefully by the oncologist). Now comes the breast biopsies as I was called by after the original mammogram. There were two growths on the left side and one on the right. I thought for sure it would be the left side. WRONG. Right side came back benign for the surrounding flesh, but the growth itself proved malignant (DCIS). I opted for the mastectomy. With my history I did not feel that the lumpectomy was enough. March 2002, I opted for a full mastectomy on the right side. I have been through therapy each and every time they find this disease in my body. This time I thought I would lose but I fought the good fight, go for my checkups and take my medicine. The most difficult time I think, now, is doing the full body cat and pet scans, once a year because of the low grade lymphoma. The mammograms are easier, only one breast now. I know, tongue in cheek, but “ya gotta laugh or else you’ll cry.” So here I am, going to be 62, a three time survivor and a member of the greatest group of sisters a woman can have. Janie My bc journey began March 2001. I was dx and underwent a lumpectomy on March 28th. I was somewhat surprised [as we all are I think] to be told that the suspicious area was indeed cancer. I was unprepared and yet I did not panic. I must say I truly believe this was because my body and mind were still in a state of numbness and despair as we had lost our youngest son in an auto accident just a few weeks before. My mind could only think this is not the worst thing that can happen to me, I have already had that happen so I can survive this and I did. I also had adriamycin/cytoxan chemotherapy and following that I had 6 1/2 weeks of radiation. I must say I really did tolerate these treatments much better than some. I guess my body and my mind was prepared and did not violently resist as do some. It was definitely not a picnic but as one wonderful angel says, "Definitely doable." Judie At the age of 61 I was told I had breast cancer. The Type was 'Tubular Carcinoma', very rare, occuring in only 1% of cases. If I had to get breast cancer, this was the best kind to get. My thought at the time, "Breast cancer, my God there is no best kind, I'm going to die" It began on 1-25-2002 with my yearly mammogram. I was called back for extra views, and the radiologist showed me the suspicious area on the film. I was referred to a doctor in the breast care center. I was so naive about all this, that I didn't even realize he was a surgeon. The fact that this doc looked about 21 years old didn't help matters. The lump couldn't be felt so he scheduled me for a mammatone biopsy. I was told they would call with the results. When the nurse called to schedule another appointment, I knew it was not good news. I saw the surgeon and I was diagnosed with Tubular carcinoma of the right breast. I was given the options of lumpectomy with radiation or mastectomy with chemotherapy. My first reaction was, "Cut if off, get it out of me". The nurse laded me down with reading material and scheduled appointments for me with a medical oncologist, and radiation oncologist to help me make my decision. They both gave me all the pros and cons of my options, and they both agreed that lumpectomy was the way to go. Ultimately it was my decision. On 3-8-2002 I had surgery, lumpectomy with sentinal node biopsy. Also had to have a mammatone needle localization done before surgery. It was a very long day, and in recovery my surgeon gave me the option of staying the night at the hospital, but I wanted to go home. He also told me that the first excision didn't show clear margins so he had to take more tissue. My breast is small so he had to cut into the chest muscle. I had been at the hospital since 7am and was released at 6pm with a perscription for pain meds. I was discharged from my radiation oncologist the day of my last boost, and the surgeon discharged me in June, 2002. I see my medical oncologist every 3 months. I recently had a scare where I found a "bb" size lump in the scar area which was comfirmed by PCP doctor. Mammo showed NED (no evidence of disease). Radiologist wants me back in 3 months for recheck. I feel very fortunate to have a great Breast Care center at a hospital close to me. All of my doctors are affiliated with this hospital which makes things easier. I did have to go to another hospital affiliated with Dana Farber for my radiation. That hospital is close too. I live in a rural area with no public transportation, and I don't have a car. I had a great organization that provides rides to hospital and doctor appointments to take me to all my appointments once I started radiation. Without them I would have been stranded, I never could have asked my daughter to take all that time off work to take me. Anger - I am angry at my body for betraying me. I really try to take care of myself. I don't smoke, take drugs or drink (except for an occasional glass of wine). I don't eat red meat and very little if any of other kinds. Love my veggies, exercise, take my vitamins and calcium and keep my weight down. I thought I was living a healthy lifestyle until I was diagnosed with high Blood Pressure, high cholesteral, migraines, IBD and osteo arthritis. As if that wasn't enough my body decided to spring breast cancer on me and then osteoporosis. I can deal with most of this stuff, but breast cancer scares me silly. Everytime I read or hear of another person dying of breast cancer a chill runs down my spine. Hope - My hope is for a breast cancer cure, if not in my lifetime, then in my daughters. I feel HOPE everytime I see an Angel post a NED (no evidence of disease) anniversary, 1 yr, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 20 yrs and more Final Comments - I handled the diagnosis and the treatment well but the recovery is hard to deal with. Every pain or bump keeps me thinking it is cancer returning. I am not the same person I was before breast cancer. I am much more assertive with my doctors. I ask more questions and ask for copies of any tests results. Something I would never have done before. I don't let little things bother me any more and if I see something that I want (within reason and budget) I buy it. If I feel like eating cheesecake and drinking wine - I go for it. Sas I was told by my surgeon that my prognosis was 2 years, hahaha on him. Statistics are JUST numbers, they don't mean nothing and doctors are not GOD! They are human like you and me, and cannot predict a persons passing. I was told 6 weeks before dx of bc, having a physical before a pre-op surgery on my foot. The Internist told me that the pimple looking bump on the outer side of my right breast looked like an infected hair and to put moist warm compresses on it. Six weeks later I was in OR having breast removed. And believe it or not, I have heard this same story told before by other survivors. I am a new person from before my diagnosis of bc, I have patience, more love and having faced my own mortality, I know how short life really is, so try to squash in all I can in a day. I have made some wonderful friends online and off since dx, that I would not have met before.I have helped others and it feels so good to be able to calm someone newly dx with bc, I feel it was my calling. I am a Reach 2 Recovery volunteer for the ACS. I don't sweat the small stuff, and have learned that worrying is a waste of precious time. I share my stories of diagnosis on my home page . Kelly At 29, I had a job that I loved, a loving husband, a 14 month old son and a close network of family and friends. I had a lump in my breast but we all thought it was from being recently pregnant. I had the biopsy and stopped by on my way home from work to get the results. I wasn't worried. Young women don't get breast cancer I had been assured. Plus, no one in my family has had cancer. So, imagine my surprise when I heard the words you have breast cancer. Life was a blur. As my oncologist said, " Not your garden variety type." I had my mastectomy and TRAM. I did the chemo and radiation and celebrated being told I was free of disease in September 2002. October 2002, I had a hysterectomy with removal of my ovaries. That is when we found out the cancer had spread to the ovaries. Thankfully, the surgery rendered me free of the disease and I started getting weekly infusions of Herceptin on my one year anniversary of my initial dx. To think this drug has such promise and is fairly new, it gives me hope that there are more drugs out there. Helping me to live my life with metastatic cancer as a chronic disease not terminal disease. When I was diagnosed, I knew of no-one in my circle of friends and family that had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Even though I worked in a hospital, I was terrified of cancer. I knew nothing. I had stress hives the day before my first treatment. As you learn with cancer, fear of the unknown can be much worse than actually knowing. This is where Friends in Need became my life line, these amazing women were here to walk me through each step. To answer all my questions, to share my joy and tears. I am glad I've had the privilege of meeting some in person, even though many I have not met in person are among my close friends. I also found support through the young survival coalition (www.youngsurvival.org.) This organization is dedicated to helping promote awareness, action and advocacy for people diagnosed with breast cancer before age 40. I also made a great friend in Amy, my chemo angel (www.chemoangels.com.) She is the most thoughtful person in the whole world and is truly an angel. You can make good things happen from the bad times. Cancer can take away your security in the future but can also teach you to enjoy the moment. No one knows what the future holds. You can worry about cancer and end up getting struck by a bus. Life is for living. Being a good person and making sure others know what they mean to you. Breast cancer will always be a part of my life but breast cancer is only a bump in the road of my life experiences. I want to live my life with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. That may be my greatest victory over this disease. Hally` aka hally`day_name_person I have learned from having this disease too. I have learned to celebrate each day as a holiday. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. Most important of all, I value people more and hold my family close.